Facts About Men

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
4. Marrying a divorced man ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
5. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on telelvision, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone is case they call him.
6. All men look bad in black socks and sandals.
7. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public, they have to know.
8. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun.
9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log doesn't burn, he will take it personally.
11. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
12. All men think they are nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
13. Men don't get cellulite. God must be a man.
14. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
15. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
16. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
17. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
18. Men own basketball teams. Every year, cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
19. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
20. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
21. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie The Way We Were twice, voluntarily.
22. Most women are introspecitve: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
23. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
24. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
25. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge to them.
    If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying "I love you...I think I want to marry you... and have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
26. Men accept compliments much better than women.
    Example:
    RUTH: "Mitch, you look great."
    MITCH: "Thanks."
    (on the other side)
    MITCH: "Ruth, you look great."
    RUTH: "I do? Must be the lighting."
    
27. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
28. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
29. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because all their clothes button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
30. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
31. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries on clothing from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
32. Male menopause is a lot more fun that female menopause. Females gain weight and get hot flashes. Men get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
33. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
34. That's why they need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
35. Men would like monogamy better if is sounded less like monotony.
36. All men would still really like to own a train set.